Choosing Well In Love
My passion for promoting healthy relationships began at the very worse time of my life.
The end of my marriage ignited a firestorm of emotional pain. Overwhelmed by my past relationship failures, my parents’ divorce, my fizzled friendships, and the end of my own marriage, I saw my world collapsing around me and I couldn’t stop it.
I couldn’t understand how I got to this place, nor could I imagine any future coming from this much carnage. I was not only sad, I was mad. I was downright pissed and needed answers.
I had real questions, but no idea how to find the answers or how to move forward. I kept asking myself: What did I miss? I have a master’s degree in psychology – was there a class? Was there something I should have known?
Working on relationships is not enough!
Back then, I thought that if you liked someone, you’d have to work hard to make it work. I grew up hearing my whole life that relationships are work, and I bought into this myth.
I’d been giving my all in order to make my less-than-ideal partnerships work, which was a perfect set-up for frustration and heartbreak.
Still, I believed in love and in the joy of sharing one’s life with someone.
I refused to be a victim – and I swore I would figure this out. I just had to have answers, and I was going to get them, no matter what it took.
I spent hundreds of late night hours scouring for answers as to why my relationship had to end. There had to be a reason, a behavioral pattern, something that was responsible for this devastation and despair.
Then I found it. And what began as a quest to understand my divorce became something sooooooo much bigger.
I discovered that physical attraction and emotional maturity are completely different things. You can be attracted to someone but emotionally mismatched.
This knowledge was a life-changer.
The truth finally hit me: There wasn’t anything wrong with me. I wasn’t completely messed up.
My partner and I were just not an emotional match – and this was why we had all of those “good-bad-right-wrong” arguments and all those moments that felt like power-struggles.
This was also why none of my past relationships worked out, either. And for my crazy parents, this was also why their marriage ended.
This was such a profound revelation, I just sat there in my dark little office laughing and crying.
I spent the next few years researching and testing this theory, and from this deep dive into the interrelationship between romantic attraction and emotional compatibility was born the foundation for LovEd.
Welcome to LovEd – where you’ll discover how to take excellent care of your heart.
Here are 3 ways to grow emotionally:
1) Do your “personal work” and heal your past hurts.
Get real about what happened in your past and address these things head-on so your past doesn’t get in the way of your future relationships. Finding a killer therapist and attending transformational workshops, seminars, and retreats can help you through the process of becoming the amazing person you are.
2) Just do it! Get outside your comfort zone.
Do something that you normally wouldn’t do. Do something that you know may be beneficial but makes you uncomfortable. For example, if your friend or partner loves country music and you’re a straight-up rock ‘n roller, offer to buy tickets to an upcoming country concert and bring your friend. Like Nike says, “Just Do It”. New experiences expand our tolerance and level of acceptance and increase our emotional intelligence.
3) Hone your communication skills.
We grow up in a culture that doesn’t teach us how to communicate. Becoming a great communicator and a great listener is not only empowering, it allows us to enlist others to support us in achieving our goals and dreams.